Hounded but not crushed

Recently I've been facing a fair amount of stress from my work but seriously can't find much motivation to get down to study. Feels like I've kinda adopted a live from day to day kinda attitude which I think isn't good. Alright need to wake up my idea. I find it interesting that Gerrard could change the games that we played the other day to something so creative. The normal 7up game that we used to play had been modified so that it is more fun and there was no need to think of penalties cos the penalties were already settled.
I also realized that when it comes to games, Wanru is really on about it and her quiet personality seems to change along with the intensity of the game. Perhaps this is the reason why we have games? To open up our reservations and have fun so that our hearts too are open to each other. That's why I feel real sorry for Justina. Haha, honestly I liked that game that she proposed, remembered that I used to play it when I was in hall camp during the time I was a freshmen. Gosh that was so long ago, I feel very old now. Anyway, the game was to sit in a circle and hit the person that have been called until he/she calls someone else. Too bad it got canceled, not that I didn't see that coming. Maybe next time when I am not with the church people, I'll really love to play that game again. The question I got to ask is, is conservativeness the reason why there are some barriers as to how we relate to each other. No matter how I see it, I just don't find myself having as much fun with church people as "outsiders". Not that I am someone who likes to play those SDU games but certainly I cherish more sincerity than spirituality with my friends. If I can choose, I'd really wish for more sincerity in my relationships with people in church. Just as I have taught my sheep, in relationships, we need to build personal relationships rather than group identity and unity. Honestly, our relationship with different people is different and unique. Unless we seek to build it, the group relationship can only carry us so far.

Well today's lesson is on Psalms 35:12-14.
12 They repay me evil for good
and leave my soul forlorn.

13 Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth
and humbled myself with fasting.
When my prayers returned to me unanswered,

14 I went about mourning
as though for my friend or brother.
I bowed my head in grief
as though weeping for my mother.
I remembered when I was younger, I read about this story of Jesus. He said that you have to love your enemies and when you do, you pour hot coals on their heads those who hated you. He also said that if you love someone who loves you, does not the pagans do that too? Real love is about loving someone even though the person is horrible and caused you hurt and pain.

It seems easy when I read it. Ok all I need to do is just to extend my love to people who don't like me as well as those who love me. However, it was not that simple. Have you ever met people who scorn your love, who treat your love with suspicion and try to "outsmart" you by beating you at your game? Or how about those who trample your love on the floor by repaying your love for them with betrayal? I've seen a quite a number of them in my life and it really gets you down. In a way that you'd feel is it worth it to expend so much for this person when he or she clearly do not appreciate what you have done? I really found it impossible for a time being and everyday I had to pray to God to sustain me.
Does what I write reminds you of something? Yes it reminded me of God's love for me. How many times have I betrayed his love, treat his love for me with scorn by my disobedience, treat it with suspicions by questioning why I have to do this, why I have to do that when all God wanted to do was to bless me. Yet that is the love that God has shown in psalms 35. When his enemies was sick, he prayed for them and asked God to heal them. Can't say for the last verse cos Jesus' prayers are never unanswered but what about mine? I don't even pray for my enemies, and often found myself cursing them that they may fall into the pits they have dug for me.

My Prayer:
Lord, learning to love is much more difficult than I can ever imagine and I thank you for that. For you have shown me how much you have loved me despite the fact that I don't deserve it at all. I am very sorry for the times when I treated your love for me with contempt but I am also thankful that you did not deal with me as I had with my enemies. Oh Lord, help me to grow in this by allowing me not to treat your love in this manner anymore. I pray that the love you have shown me, the undying love that does not subside because of others betrayal but is sustained through your loving character which never gives up. Give me this love for my enemies Lord because I want to be like you. Amen.